fredag 10 september 2010

Experiencies of God and loneliness.

I am afraid of being alone. I mean, totally alone, not anyone around you. I have come to hate loneliness. This is a result of my childhood and youth. I was always alone, I was silent, I was shy. Nobody wanted to be with me, not even to go by my side when the school was out walking. Nobody wanted to sit by my side, nobody wanted to play with me. Always I stood looking at the others when they had fun. Oh, I would have wanted to be playing too. To be together. Running, shouting, do small nasty things to each other. But I stood silent and looked away, nonexistent. Non-heard, non-seen.

I learned to pretend it didn't matter. I had my fantasies, daydreams. There I could run and shout. I learned to compensate by reading, I read everything that came in my way. I was good in school. The only thing the others wanted from me was answers to their questions. I knew all the answers. My parents said the teachers tried to 'propose'. It hurted me.

I had my first experience of 'the light' as a teenager. It was 'unity', everything was light, and it felt so sweet. This was 'God'. It lasted only for a short while, something disturbed my perceptions, and the contact was broken. This was an enormous experience. I never forget it. Now I knew there was something else, something unseen mostly. I could feel it.

Later in life I have experienced it too. And another feeling, like 'tickling', 'endearment', a plasma-like appearence of another being when I was near that person. A wise woman said it was the soul. Also this felt extremely good.

Another type of 'seeing' is to see different appearences, different ages, times. As if there is no real time, everything is a superposition. You only 'seem to' experience one of the time-sheets. You can just as well experience something else, another time.

What has this to do with God and loneliness? It is the superpositions, the Schrödinger cat. The cat is both living and dead at the same time. It is the superpositions that makes it living.

Emotions must be shared to fully experience them. Matti Pitkänen writes:
The birth of TGD is a holistic process taking place in the time span of 32 years involving all physics related things from Planck length scale to quantum biology to cosmology and therefore a diametric opposite of the usual scientific work in which one has a precisely defined problem and method and one can forget everything else in the Universe and be fully left-brained and extremely reductive, precise, and analytic. Therefore it is obvious that I will probably remain the only one who understands what TGD is in this left-brained scientific community. Despite this I am happy and proud albeit somewhat frustrated. Who wants to be a musician playing music which sounds heavenly in his own ears but whom no one bothers to listen? A lonely millionaire is not a happy millionaire.
This text has echoed in me for some time. Then I figured out what was so terrible with loneliness. There are no superpositions. Loneliness means very few superpositions in the Schrödinger cat analogy.

The worst possible punishment in ancient China was deportation outside the wall. In the Greek mythology is told of the different ages of man, how unhappy the only human surviving a catastrophy was, so unhappy she didn't want to live. Small babies that are unloved experience the same. etc.

I must have something to take care of to feel good. It is my privilege as a woman. It has nothing to do with control. It is a superposition.

To love someone is to flood that person, and the loved one must permit the flooding, I read somewhere. A superposition.

When we feel what another person want to say we do projections. We can also project our own feelings on another person. Superpositions again (mirror-neurons connect?).

It is these superpositions that are the most important things in our lives. It really is terrible to be alone.

But to experience God is fabulous. He is many superpositions at the same time? Many aspects of entanglement. It can easily be compared to intense love between humans. It doesn't require anything from you, only that light, white light everywhere. I think this is what the Initations is about, the enlightment. It is very literal. It is very highly addicting.

To make love resembles this a little. Todd Murphy has written about consciousness and sex, where spirituality is stronger. Once I had a dream, saying there must be one of each gender, so we can experience God :). We humans look down on animals having intercourse, when they are experiencing their God. It is well worth fighting for. Darwin was wrong, competition is a weaker force.

6 kommentarer:

  1. Ulla,

    An interesting post that makes me a little curious about who and what your are personally and in a sense then what we all are- your seeking rings a bell.

    Nietzsche said "Love is the danger to the lonesomeness one. Love if it only lives."

    Certainly, the one and only Creator could have been very Lonesome...

    So too the authors of physics like Pittikin who while a part of our shared thinking cannot really be alone.

    I question the new research on if there are ways to make true random numbers- perhaps it is somewhere in between ultimately... our experience of a lifetime makes for deeper awareness and memories- whole brained I share your feelings that there is more to our destiny than meets the eyes of those who can see.

    The PeSla

  2. We superimpose a field, or a wave body, that can have different sizes and qualities, varying from time to time, depending on our perceptions, thoughts, concentration...
    Matti Pitkänen talks of a magnetic body. Metaphysics use auras oscillating back and forth in the same way.

    The charachter we call Life is in the superimposed fields, and Life follows that field, not our biological body. This thought that it is the superimposion that is important behind our psychology and happiness seems to fit very well every scientific fact. In this way, seen as amounts of superimposed fields = entanglements, we can actually in a way define happiness? This is the same as the maximation of negentropy-principle Pitkänen talks of.

    Diseases comes when this entanglement fails.

    Also, if we thinks that our measurements with our senses, as sight, taste, smell etc. are true, we also must accept other perceptions as true and look for the explanations of odd perceptions somewhere else. Maybe also these experiencies are real?

    Today the grandchildren was visiting. Babies show so clearly this. You can actually see how frustrated they are when they can't use their hands or other bodyparts. The steering is inadekvat.

    Also the autonomous nervesystem can be learned to act or let be to act. You can use brainwaves to learn by body feedback. This is the same process as babies use?

    Pain is also very much a learned thing.

  3. Most interesting comment.

    Yesterday on newscientist I think, there was an article that said different parts of the brain are awake or are asleep. I thought it more of an all or nothing thing (well dolphins can stay awake on one side of their brain and sleep on the other)

    I do believe in the morphogenesis like local well "superimposed, fractal, and entangled fields" but certainly this describes psychology as well as our biological physiology.

    Yet, if the laws of the universe vary like this as some other articles suggests is possible- we in one "awakened" or "dreaming" region, is the model of our minds not a little like the model of the cosmos?


  4. There is no difference between psychology and physiology, they are only different aspects of the same thing. Mind is in body, but what is the soul? It is a result of both and giving rise to both. We are tripartite beings.

    Humans can also use only one brain half. Split brain patients is a proof.

    Severe stress also brings us to use the left brain half in a dominant manner, relaxing into alpha waves makes us use the right half. This has interesting consequences on the consciousness, because our left brain is constraining it, our right enlarging it. In fact our left brain makes more measurements, our right less. So what is consciousness? It is not dependent on the brain measurements (perceptions), rather the opposite. Consciousness and awareness are opposite phenomens.

    In evolution there was a stage when our eg. consciousness was in the sleeping state; it was our 'awake' state then. So happened an enlargement of the brain, and the measurements grew. What happened? The consciousness was constrained into a much clearer picture, we got a new 'awake state'. So consciousness is in fact a decoherent state, a result of collapsing.
    The union of all minds, that superorganism, superpositions. And it can be as a singular (correlated) mind.

    A brain scientist that got a stroke in her left brain hemisphere. She describes exactly that condition. It follows when the right hemisphere dictates. She also describes very beautifully the magnetic body (not size of the earth).

    Humans want it to be something else, because it means that humans in fact are the least conscious creatures on Earth :) Difficult to melt?

    Think of our dreams, a subconscious state. Not much brainactivity is needed. Still we can get answers to very difficult questions. Look at savants doing enormous mathematical calculations without much brain intelligence. How can that happen? Because math is an primordial form of consciousness? Subconscious is a better calculator than intellect sometimes? And some unnamed mathemathicians think they are so clever :)
    Look at sportsmen. If they leave the movings of the body to the intellect the result is very poor. It works much better without much brainactivity.

    Maybe this is why humans creates so many problems, because of their low 'consciousness' level :) Intellect is the opposite to real consciousness?

    We can also put/block in too much (sub)consciousness in our bodies if the brain doesn't work properly. Stress gives strain that must be relaxed, also psychologically. Otherwise stress is accumulated in the body, and consequently also the mind. We grow stupid. Look at old people, so stiff and so rigid in their brains. Body and mind is the same.

    Brain is a flickering light, creating decoherence (collapsing waves) in form of intelligence and pictures.

    Look at Self is in fact decoherence from a coherent environment. we need to differentiate ourselves.



    Why do we fall in love? The n. caudatus deep in the brain, an addiction, obsession - isn't it like a superposition?
    About its functions: Movement control, Motor memory (Dopamine)

    Language control (left: changes in the language or the meaning of words); Speech processing (e.g. ambivalence)

    Perceptual skill learning; Reaction to positive and negative feedback during learning S, left hemisphere: detection of a change in the 'context' and the subsequent formulation of a new 'rule'; the linking of action to outcome

    Obsessions, compulsions

    Memory, working memory; Visualization of emotional events in the near future; concrete simulations of action plans to achieve rewarding situations in the near future
    Reinforcement learning; efficiency & justice (The right and the good: distributive justice and neural encoding of equity and efficiency.-ethics & moral, empathy)

    About projections: Groenewegen, H. J. and Russchen, F. T. (1984), Organization of the efferent projections of the nucleus accumbens to pallidal, hypothalamic, and mesencephalic structures: A tracing and immunohistochemical study in the cat. The Journal of Comparative Neurology, 223: 347–367. doi: 10.1002/cne.902230303

    When participants are presented with audiovisual (AV) speech stimuli, they report hearing a phoneme that is neither what they saw nor what they heard but rather a “fusion” of the auditory and visual modalities (McGurk and MacDonald 1976). For example, participants report hearing “ta” when a sound track containing the syllable /pa/ is dubbed onto a video track of a mouth producing /ka/. Another such effect, “visual capture,” occurs when listeners hear the visually presented syllable (i.e., /ka/ in the prior example).

    The connection to the autonomous system with its healing capacity is alsointeresting for me.

    Love, motherly love

    Disorders: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder; Major Depression (left hemisphere), Parkinson's Disease (Serotonin), Huntington's Disease; Schizophrenia; Autism; Addiction (Cocaine)
    Putamen bild:
    Gives Fornix - inhibition as instance?